Journal
This journal is a daily account of my creative work. It's intended to be accurate, not entertaining. If you decide to read it you'll see how I actually write and compose. It's also freewritten, quite unlike my other writing. The ideas I express here are thoughts going through my head rather than definitive views or even solid opinions. So don't take them too seriously. To prevent AI scraping, older entries require a (free) subscription.
Listen to my most recent piece here:
July 12, 2025 - "Returning Snowbirds"
Today was my day to call the fam, etc.
Rewrote the very brief mini-bridge early in "Returning Snowbirds" to be motivically consistent with the later bridges. I think this was an improvement. There is a similar mini-bridge in "Emergency Call" that I somewhat regret as it wasn't motivically coherent but I left it in because it had a very "wild drive" feel. I wonder if I should have spent more time experimenting with other options. In this case though the improvement was clear cut.
Podcast recording scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled by my co-host. Having some deja-vu there.... As the podcast recording isn't happening I'm starting my fast today. I plan to fast for somewhere between two and four days depending on how I'm feeling and how much it impinges on getting work done.
Not much to say beyond that. Hopefully tomorrow will be a solid work day and the fast will do its work of clearing out the intermittent brain fog I've been struggling with recently.
July 11, 2025 - "Returning Snowbirds"
Today I went through the body of this song carefully and made a few minor refinements. Basically, it's done. However, I am struggling with the ending. The instrumental coda of this song is intended to be similar to "Emergency Call" in that it's a musical reflection on the meaning of the piece. This gives it a critical importance... it isn't just a generic outro or one of those codas that one wants to skip over because they're plopped in for structural reasons but have no meaning (most codas are like that, and the conclusions of most fiction as well, and I've always hated it - one reason I never finish dramas). Now, this song could end without the coda, but I think it would lack weight. The instrumental "envoi" adds weight and substance to the song because it works as a reflection on it, particularly important in this and the last song as the narrator's view is limited, while the "musical" view is more profound than the narrator's view.
In any case it's very important that the instrumental coda be exactly right and exactly convey the deeper meaning of the song by reflecting back on it. And, it is going to be primarily built of exotic modulations ornamented with the same motive as the earlier bridge. These exotic modulations are simple individually but tough to string together into a meaningful progression and require experimentation.
For the first modulation into the coda I brute-force tested every possibility. Below is the sketch sheet I used. Obviously I could play them on the keyboard without writing them down, but I find it harder to get perspective on something slippery that way. Often I will do both - play them all on the keyboard without using the score, and then have the computer play back the written version - until I can hear clearly what's working and what isn't.
So using this method and testing 11 modulations I was able to narrow it down to three that might fit the appropriate meaning. (One of them was my initial choice before trying brute-force experimentation, which suggests that I'm at least not completely retarded). I haven't been able to decide between those three yet. I am afraid that none may be right and I may need to change the harmonies in some other way, though I was generally happy with them apart from the choice of key.
It looks like making the final decision on this critical modulation will have to wait till tomorrow.
I was not feeling very inspired today. Perhaps it is a hangover from the last couple weeks of frantically revising DBL. I have not had a proper break in a long time. I am not much good at taking breaks, and usually a run or hike will suffice, but I haven't been able to enjoy those for the past few weeks. That is probably contributing to my sense of malaise. In any case I am wondering how fate put me here. I feel that I could write a long string of miraculous works and still be stuck in the ghetto without any reaction from the outside world. Like a dream of being dropped into a subway station where there's a great hustle and bustle of people, but which one mysteriously can't interact with in any way, even shouting and waving passing completely unnoticed. The clock above the gate continues to run, and eventually one gives up shouting and just wanders around listlessly. Over the last few years I've felt more and more like I'm in that dream.
But there's no point in dwelling on these thoughts. This song is coming along inch by inch and there's nothing to do but keep inching until I can manage to move in feet.
Perhaps I should try to write these entries in better prose in case I ever want to read them in the future. For now, they are what they are.