Memoirs of an Evil Vizier, Volume I: The Tale of the Cursed Wig

Feb
16
Chapter XI - How to Simulate a Small Zombie Apocalypse, Part I: Haunting Your Local Hammam

Chapter XI - How to Simulate a Small Zombie Apocalypse, Part I: Haunting Your Local Hammam

28 min read
Feb
05
Chapter X - A Brief History of Paranormal Cosmetology

Chapter X - A Brief History of Paranormal Cosmetology

The next morning I rose very early and shook the invalid odalisque awake before I'd even finished tying my turban...
27 min read
Dec
15
Chapter IX - Alternative Medicine

Chapter IX - Alternative Medicine

Whether you're a pirate or a pasha, or just a humble slave trader and aspiring evil vizier, when you see a zombie odalisque clawing at your window, your first impulse is...
39 min read
Nov
20
Chapter VIII - Odalisque Autopsy

Chapter VIII - Odalisque Autopsy

The first thing we heard was a dying woman’s scream. To be greeted thus when approaching a medical practice is, in conventional circumstances, a very poor sign indeed.
39 min read
Oct
27
Chapter VII - Slaver on Holiday

Chapter VII - Slaver on Holiday

I woke to a fine, bright morning, and lingered in bed watching sunlight filter through my thin curtains, contemplating the beautiful rugs on my walls, and idly plotting to win the sultan's confidence, become his evil vizier, and gain de facto control of his almost endless empire.
31 min read
Sep
18
Chapter VI - How to Recover an Escaped Sex Slave Whose Shopping Adventure Is Much Longer than Practically Necessary

Chapter VI - How to Recover an Escaped Sex Slave Whose Shopping Adventure Is Much Longer than Practically Necessary

I searched everywhere: behind the bags of couscous and neatly hung tools of torture in my closet, under the elaborately decorated cushions of my sales reception room . . .
36 min read
Aug
26
Chapter V - Anthropogenic Cranial Shrinkage and Other Underappreciated Threats to Civilization

Chapter V - Anthropogenic Cranial Shrinkage and Other Underappreciated Threats to Civilization

Despite our circuitous route home, which took us under bridges and through dark alleys, with repeated crossings of the street to ensure the shadows of buildings, trees, and statues almost continuously protected us from photodamage
30 min read
Aug
17
Chapter IV – Skin-Care Secrets of Professional Slavers

Chapter IV – Skin-Care Secrets of Professional Slavers

The barren hill could only be interpreted as an utterly senseless location for any utility purporting to make liquid deep below the earth accessible to the public...
33 min read
Jul
27
Chapter III – How to Harvest Buried Ginger

Chapter III – How to Harvest Buried Ginger

I slept fitfully that night, my thoughts returning over and over to the dead virgin sex slave.
18 min read
Jun
29
Chapter II — The Reeducation of an Occidental Virgin

Chapter II — The Reeducation of an Occidental Virgin

I was in good humor as I led the hooded sex slave up the road to the sultan's harem, enjoying the unseasonably comfortable weather and threatening her gently as we strolled beneath a row of palms.
28 min read