How To Trick Your Girlfriend Into Being Hotter

Translate into the Occidental Translate into the Oriental

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, women pursued the feminine arts of charm, seduction, and beauty willingly and happily. Their skills in these arts were finely honed, the results enchanting and captivating. They lifted the power of true femininity to its greatest heights, inspiring their lovers to perform feats so heroic we can scarcely credit them today. It was an era of abundant pleasure and joy for men and women alike.

Sadly, such fairytale days are long gone. In our modern world an epidemic of aggressive indifference incubated by ideologues, advertisers, and influencers has steamrolled the fairer sex. Women are now more likely to sabotage their own charm, train themselves in anti-seduction, and chase unattractive but fashionable illusions of beauty cooked up by homosexuals than so much as flutter their lashes at the men they theoretically love best.

In this modern world girlfriends will never improve themselves or their relationships of their own accord. Wives still less. They push away the most helpful advice and are almost magnetically drawn to the worst, twisting their innate feminine instincts into misshapen pretzels for no apparent purpose but to be as unexciting as possible. To compound the problem, any effort to publicly call them back from their sad fate and restore them to the full blush of health is loudly shouted down. Women mock, slander, and denigrate honest statements of men's real tastes and affections, and publicly shame anyone who won't affirm their delusions instead. Rapunzel has cut off her hair.

Thus it falls to men, who in the past could freely explore distant oceans and conquer hapless barbarians while entrusting their womenfolk with the amorous arts, to return home and right the capsized ship of love themselves. And yet the only means available to accomplish this difficult but important task are those wisely reserved, in more enlightened times, for exclusive female use: stratagems of deceit, manipulation, and trickery.

Well, what must be must be. So this guide has one simple goal: to explain, step by step, exactly how to trick your girlfriend into being hotter.

No doubt, it sucks to have to do this. Life would be much more pleasant if your lover were, like roses and jasmine, able to open her sweetest flowers to the sun without help from rough hands. But nowadays the important life-goal of having an unusually hot girlfriend just isn't going to be accomplished through fair and pleasant means. If you want the best for your relationship and the remainder of your lives together, you've no choice but to evilly manipulate her into hotness, using whatever underhanded tactics prove most effective. The straight-man's burden is a heavy one, and bear it you must.

Before I continue, I want to make one thing clear. As the author of various little-read essays on beauty and seduction aimed in the general direction of women, I am emphatically not the author of this particular article. I would never stoop to suggesting or endorsing such immoral means in such crude terms, with no higher justification than the almost irresistible end of having a supremely hot girlfriend to call one's own. Every word you read here, every comma and dash, has been whispered or shouted to me by others, often from the wrong shoulder. I'm merely the transcriber and compiler. My male readers have agreed to collectively suggest and test methods for tricking their girlfriends into being hotter, and I've agreed, against my better judgment, to record their suggestions, along with reports on efficacy and the barest minimum of commentary.

In short, this guide to tricking your girlfriend into being hotter is a crowdsourced collage of morally dubious advice I completely disown. And, a work in progress. I'll update it with new information as it arrives. If you try the methods of deception listed herein—whether they succeed or fail—please get in touch and let me know the outcome so I can refine them further.

Now, naturally, I advise you not to tell your girlfriend you're using a crowdsourced guide you found on the internet to manipulate her. That would only make it harder to trick her into doing things she'll enjoy anyway, leaving her less happy in the long run. You see, modern ideology has trained her so well in indifference to your pleasure and preferences that left to her own devices, she won't even pursue feminine charm when it brings her as much happiness as it brings you—which, I note, is normally the case whenever seduction is done right.

They say that all is fair in love. In this spirit the heavens will, perhaps, smile on deceptions most accurately classified as erotic taqiyya. For Occidentals, a traditional metaphor will clarify: to convince your girlfriend to open her presents, you'll need to trick her into to believing in Santa Claus first. Yes, the fact that such deception is necessary is just as stupid as it sounds; but we didn't engineer this society, did we?

Manipulation Method #1: Just Ask

You probably think “just ask her to be hotter” sounds way too easy to be true. And you're not wrong. If just asking worked smoothly and regularly, I wouldn't need to transcribe this extensive list of manipulative stratagems for the betterment of girlfriendkind.

I've done my best to improve the chances of men who want to try “just ask” by creating both a complete bible of beauty and seduction, known as Dispelling Beauty Lies, and a simple, condensed set of instructions called “101 Ways To Be Prettier, Sexier, And More Seductive.” In theory, you could simply send these to your girlfriend and then lie back and let her go to town tickling your heart up to peaks of excitement you never believed possible on this side of heaven.

Sadly, the gap between theory and practice is rarely bigger than here. In practice, “just ask” has a high failure rate.

I don't counsel you against asking—indeed, it's not a bad starting point—but I don't encourage you to expect success either. And sorry to say, in many cases the feminine reaction to “just ask” is decidedly negative, so the whole tactic backfires in an extremely unfortunate fashion. Remember, women have been programmed to believe very silly and upside-down nonsense about seduction. They can't even recognize accurate seduction instructions when they see them, and the harsh dissonance between reality and their wrongheaded programming leads them to scoff at the former instead of abandoning the latter.

A gentle and recommendable way to dip your toe in before trying “just ask” is to give your girlfriend the beige-lingerie test. This test is simple, easy, and low-risk, and you can find instructions here. Reader reports confirm that when a girlfriend passes the beige-lingerie test with flying colors, the “ask and then praise” method has a reasonable chance of making her hotter—even without any further manipulation. But if she stumbles through it, or worse still, fails entirely, you're likely better safe than sorry.

To be more precise, a B on the beige-lingerie test is an excellent sign, Cs are discouraging, and Ds and Fs are quite ominous. The rare A students are atavisms from brighter days, and likely need no more than a link to my 101 ways to transform themselves into seductresses of unimaginable power; but to be frank, the chance of your girlfriend scoring at the top of her class is exceedingly low.

Before you start to feel too optimistic, I need to point out a more fundamental problem with “just ask.” Men's innate mate-selection strategy, which I've described in detail here, entails a surprisingly powerful mental compulsion against asking. That's because spontaneous seductiveness is one of the best signals of mate quality, and requesting seductiveness cuts off the possibility of that spontaneity. After all, once something is requested it can no longer be spontaneous. So asking amounts to admitting that your mate is second-rate, and worse still, it locks her in to the economy class of girlfriends indefinitely. Yes, I realize it may be necessary. First-rate mates are hard to come by these days. But since there are no women here listening, we should at least be honest about it.

For all the above reasons, many and maybe most men will find themselves subconsciously resisting “just ask” from the start, usually without understanding their motive. Some romantic corner of their hearts hopes she'll find my beauty and seduction advice on her own and apply it as a happy surprise, like every worthy girlfriend would have done in the halcyon days of yore. Well, I hate to burst your bubble sweet summer child, but she won't. I've already done my best to entice her to the spontaneous and unmanipulated pursuit of hotness, with little to show for it. Once upon a time men could have expected girlfriends to be deeply interested in the invaluable secrets of seduction I hand out like so much free candy; but in the modern world their disdain is palpable.

You should now see why the “just ask” method of manipulation isn't as great as it initially seems. And since “just ask” so often doesn't suit or doesn't work, your only recourse is to find—as you will, I pray, somewhere in this guide—subtler ways of tricking your girlfriend into being hotter. These indirect methods can be more satisfying, because the results almost feel spontaneous. They help to create the pleasant illusion that your girlfriend actually cares about you, and make it easier to delude yourself into believing she's the kind of top-quality female who can be irresistibly hot without a puppet-master continually pulling her strings behind the scenes.

The first of these indirect methods I should mention, closely related to "just ask," is to trick her into “accidentally” finding my beauty and seduction instructions. You can do this by drawing attention to some minor and anodyne detail in one of my longer articles, and encouraging her attention to linger on it long enough for her to become interested in the more substantial remainder of the ideas presented there. Typically, some small detail in the clothing section of Dispelling Beauty Lies can serve this purpose; but there are many other interesting nuggets scattered throughout my works, and I'll leave the final decision up to you.

While this tricksy alternate version of "just ask" is a deceptive stratagem I highly recommend, in the large majority of cases it's not forceful enough to get the job done. Remember, women today are deeply mired in aggressive indifference, and "here are some ways you could easily be hotter," whether you say it directly or indirectly, is going to be too weak a potion to resurrect their buried feminine impulses from the grave where they've been so deeply buried.

Manipulation Method #2: Just Dump Her

As I pointed out a moment ago, in theory letting your girlfriend know what you want should already be enough to procure it, because in theory a girlfriend likes you and cares about your pleasure. Or at least, any girlfriend worth keeping ought to. And so an obvious solution presents itself if she should ignore your polite hint to follow simple and easy suggestions that would make her hotter. Namely, just dump her.

In many cases, and especially in a relationship that isn't firmly established, “just dump her” is quite clearly the best answer. It saves trouble and time that you can use to find some other candidate who actually cares about you. Nevertheless, this final solution is not one that every man feels comfortable with.

Some men are in committed, long-term relationships. Even married with children. They may have settled into these relationships before understanding the nature of aggressive indifference and anticipating the way it would slowly destroy enjoyment of their married love-life, leaving them saddled with a hopeless future of decline and disinterest from which there's no escape that doesn't harm their sons and daughters.

Other, less trapped men might simply be desperate, and worry that if they dump a moderately attractive girl who doesn't actually like them enough to behave seductively, they won't have what it takes to replace her with someone better. And (according to certain of my readers in a formulation I can't openly endorse) some men may be weak-minded, masochistic feminist cucks who feel that being regularly trampled by their girlfriend's overt indifference is some kind of moral achievement in their favor. For all the men I've described above, “just dump her” remains an unacceptable solution to an admittedly genuine problem.

It's also fair to say that most men in stable relationships will hesitate to resort to “just dump her” before at least trying a few other options. And here the beige-lingerie test is an especially useful tool. If your girlfriend fails the beige-lingerie test with sinking (neutral) colors, she's likely hopeless, in which case “just dump her” may be the fastest exit from a dead-end relationship. D and E students are best expelled early to avoid wasting time and tuition. If her performance is merely mediocre, it's better to experiment with further forms of manipulation and deceit before giving up, because there's a reasonable chance she still has latent potential to be hotter that's been suppressed, but not extinguished, by the corruptive tentacles of our times.

In sum, my readers consider “just dump her” to be an excellent decision for any man who's both smart enough to test his girlfriend before she's settled her claws too deeply into him, and attractive enough to find a replacement easily. But in other cases, it's only a final recourse, not a sensible first resort.

Manipulation Method #3: Frame Hotness As Empowering

Being hotter is empowering. It means, in the most direct sense, that you have more power to catch, satisfy, and keep the best mate. Unfortunately, angry lesbian saboteurs in academia and the media have trained your girlfriend to view feminine hotness as disempowering—precisely because it makes you happy!

I'm disappointed to report that “frame hotness as empowering” is a stratagem with a near-zero success rate, precisely because it's actually true. One basic principle most experienced men seem to agree on is that telling the truth has never persuaded any woman of anything whatsoever. As usual, I note this claim without endorsing it. Regardless, I have not yet heard of a single instance where correctly informing a girlfriend that hotness is empowering has elicited even a small improvement.

Manipulation Method #4: Inspire Dread

Inspiring dread is a stratagem that can lead to real successes. For instance, one reader informs me that just by getting into shape and attracting attention from other women, he was able to scare his wife into making herself far hotter than she'd ever been before.

To understand why this worked, we need to break it down, because there are actually two things happening here. First, getting into shape; and second, attracting enough attention from other women to scare his own wife hotter. These two things can easily go together, but they're not at all the same.

Staying in shape is nothing less than a basic prerequisite if you expect to have a hot girlfriend. Sure, there are some fat slobs in Hollywood who continually gallivant around with hot girls. But that's because they have a ridiculous level of fame and pockets deep enough to afford a continual supply private jets, island getaways, and escorts. You, dear reader, are not one of the hundred richest and most famous entertainers in the world, and down here on planet earth, girls aren't much more attracted to fat slobs than you are. That doesn't mean you need to be a male model, or even have a six pack, but there are still baseline standards to be met. If you let yourself go, your girlfriend won't feel any motivation to become or even stay hot for you. Instead she'll let herself go too. This process of mutually letting go is how so many couples slip into sexual comas in middle age, long before Mother Nature calls time on sex appeal.

On its own, staying in shape doesn't actually qualify as inspiring dread, or indeed as a manipulation method of any kind. If you're unfit you need to turn yourself around before you bother with any of the tricks in this article, because without a reasonable basic foundation, they're useless unless you're one of the rare men who have truly exceptional charisma, wealth, and status.

Now, as for attracting the attention of other women purely to inspire dread in your current partner—that certainly does qualify as a method of manipulation, and it can indeed trick your girlfriend into being hotter. Of course, you have to inspire dread in the right way, which isn't nearly as easy as it sounds.

If you overtly pursue other women in your girlfriend's presence, you're unlikely to accomplish anything positive. What you need to do instead is make it look like other women are chasing you, and particularly other women who are attractive enough to have a reasonable shot at stealing you. Bonus points when they're obviously hotter than her. That will strike fear into your current girlfriend's heart if she cares about you at all. And truth be told, fear isn't the only relevant aspect of her reaction. Equally important is the fact that the attractive women pursuing you awaken her competitive instincts. She'll hate to be upstaged by hotties—hate it even if she doesn't care about you at all.

These last words reveal a hidden danger in the “inspire dread” stratagem. After you realize your girlfriend does care enough about competing with other women to make herself hotter, but doesn't care enough about you to make herself hotter in the absence of external competition, you'll experience a deep and abiding disappointment. Congratulations: you now have a hotter girlfriend. You successfully manipulated her by inspiring dread, and taken on its own, that's a win. But this win comes at the steep price of knowing just how little she really cares. In the long run, it may feel like a pyrrhic victory. You'll spend the rest of your lives together wondering whether you wouldn't have been better off with one of those other girls after all.

Needless to say, this disappointing denouement could have been entirely avoided if your girlfriend had just followed my beauty and seduction advice on her own initiative from the start—but by the time she realizes her mistake, it will be too late to correct it.

And that, dear readers, is why I hesitate to recommend “inspire dread” as a first port of call when you're ready to trick your girlfriend into being hotter. Whether it works perfectly or not.

Manipulation Method #5: Buy Her Clothes

“In theory” is a phrase I have to use a lot in this guide. This is just a symptom of the fallen times in which we live. In theory your girlfriend should be choosing your clothes. Not that this is a necessity, but most men have a dreadful fashion sense and desperately need help. However, in practice, you're going to need to choose her clothes, because she's miraculously trained herself to be even worse at it.

I know this sounds implausible to you, but she's read all kinds of nonsense purporting to be an aesthetic justification for wearing the least attractive colors and avoiding the most attractive accessories, and actually believed it. She's been convinced that she looks better in tan dresses than pink ones. Tan! It's ludicrous. As I've already explained, advertising and ideology have tied your girlfriend's innate feminine instincts into a pretzel, and if you explain that camo colors are fine on men but ugly on women, she simply won't listen.

Now, if you're like most males, you're not competent to pick out actual clothes. Even basic color words like "mauve" elude you. Fortunately some of the best accessories are dead simple. The most important of these are thigh-high stockings. A large majority of men agree that thigh-high stockings are extremely attractive, and indeed better than nothing even in the bedroom. That's high praise indeed. Yet few women ever wear them in their entire lives. This is a sad state of affairs that desperately needs to be corrected; and thanks to your willingness to manipulate your girlfriend into being hotter, you can be the one to jumpstart the correcting.

You're going to have to buy her the thigh-highs. Yes, I know she should be the one to buy them and it would be much more seductive and charming if she did it herself. But, like most women today, she simply won't. Life is disappointing, eh?

You probably don't know much about buying women's clothes, so I'll give you a few pointers. First, thigh-highs need to come up to the midpoint of the thigh to look their best. With this in mind, you should measure your girlfriend's leg from her heel to that midpoint while she's stretched out sleeping. Most thigh-highs for sale today are too short, so err on the side of too long.

Thigh-highs don't need to be the lacy lingerie kind to work. Thigh-high socks have a great effect and come in many colors and styles. How well they'll stay up is variable, depending on both the item itself and the shape of your girlfriend's thighs. For lingerie, you'll often need to order a garter belt too. Yes, there is such a thing as sock glue, but that might be a tough sell for her first time.

At present most women don't seem to be aware that wearing only thigh-highs is often more attractive than wearing nothing at all. So if your girlfriend hasn't read the clothing advice in Dispelling Beauty Lies, this is a point you'll probably have to explain to her directly.

As for manipulating her into wearing her new thigh-highs often, as she should, that's a tougher project. One suggestion from readers is to claim they make her look thin. Due to a barrage of misinformation in the media, women today are confused about their weight, and wrongly assume "thinner is better" always holds. Since you belong to the sex that's attracted to thick thighs, you obviously know this isn't true, but that doesn't mean she knows. Nevertheless, I'm skeptical about this approach. Clearly it reinforces wrong ideas, and I think in the majority of cases it will be a mistake that creates a bad atmosphere. Perhaps it's suitable for short-term relationships with women who aren't worthwhile enough to justify the arduous process of correcting their delusions about ideal bodyfat levels. But unless I receive solid reader reports that it works consistently, which I haven't yet, I'm going to hold off on endorsing it.

A more straightforward approach is simple praise. Once she has them on, tell her how great they look. Show more than the usual enthusiasm. Obviously, this should be easy. And it has diagnostic value as well.

If your girlfriend makes her indifference apparent by neglecting the thigh-highs you just bought her even after you praise them and react with unusual enthusiasm, you'll know it's time to reconsider whether manipulation method #2 (just dump her) is really your best option after all.

To generalize, "Does she wear the sexy things you buy for her more than twice without prompting?" amounts to a second exam that complements the beige-lingerie test and helps you measure her worthiness as a girlfriend more accurately. I'll call this the thigh-highs test, but you could really do it with any sexy item. If her score on the beige-lingerie test is borderline between a pass and a fail, the thigh-highs test will usually suffice to resolve the uncertainty and decide for or against expulsion.

There's a third option for tricking your girlfriend into wearing her thigh-highs often, but since it has broader relevance, I'm saving it for the next section.

Thigh-highs might be the most important article of clothing as far as most men are concerned, but they're not the only hotness-boosting item you can manipulate your girlfriend into wearing. Chokers also qualify as one of the most attractive accessories. And that's probably why your girlfriend has no interest in ever wearing one.

It goes without saying that a woman could increase her attractiveness in five seconds flat just by putting on a choker that costs less than a cup of coffee; but my readers confirm that in the mind of a modern female, even five seconds is too much time and effort to spend looking hotter for her lover. So, if you ever expect to see your girlfriend in a choker, you'll have to trick her. Fortunately I can offer you an especially easy stratagem to get the job done.

Before I list the steps, it's useful to understand some basics. The important thing about chokers isn't how they're designed, but that they cover one of the green beautification bands shown in the first chart here. The dog-collar chokers people tend to think of first are the worst kind of choker out there, and completely unnecessary to get the effect. A choker should make your girlfriend look like a magnificent present waiting to be unwrapped, not like an animal. And with this metaphor in mind, it isn't hard to understand why simple ribbon chokers are such a great idea.

To trick your girlfriend into wearing a simple and beautiful ribbon choker, follow these steps. First, buy her a few presents. It doesn't really matter what the presents are. But instead of wrapping them carelessly and clumsily, as you normally would, wrap them each up in nice ribbons. The ribbons should be high quality, pretty, and feel pleasant against the skin.

Now present your gifts to her at some kind of special event, such as a holiday, birthday, or anniversary, when it's just the two of you. After she's opened them, playfully tell her that you want a special present too; and as you finish saying this, pick up one of the ribbons from where she's discarded it (don't let her throw them out) and tie it around her neck with a neat bow (as if you're tying your shoes). Your girlfriend now looks much hotter than she really wants to—and she can't take her new choker off until you do it for her.

Don't unwrap your new present too quickly. Instead, find some way to interrupt the opening ceremony. Pour a drink and tell her you like the anticipation. Or delay with dinner. The goal here is to enjoy seeing her in a choker and to get her used to wearing it. If she tries to take it off early, inform her that she's not allowed to unwrap your present for you. When you finally do take the choker off, leave it on her bedside table. That leaves you an opportunity to get her wearing it again in the future. You should also toss an extra ribbon into her lingerie drawer before she has a chance to throw them all in the trash can.

Dreaming of a better world—one where your girlfriend would love you enough to spend multiple seconds looking sexy for you on her own initiative—only leads to disappointment at the depressing reality of our fallen times. But thanks to this amazing guide, tricking her into being hotter against her will turns out to be easier than you ever imagined possible.

Manipulation Method #6: Make It Sound High Class

Some women obsess over social class even in the circumstances where it's least relevant. For instance, your bed. My readers confirm that tricking such women into believing the behaviors and clothes that make them hotter also make them seem high class is a proven method of manipulation. Now, not every girlfriend is susceptible to this stratagem; but if yours is a spiritually empty social climber with weak fundamental values, it's a pretty safe bet.

You and I know, of course, that "high class" has little to do with genuine beauty or seduction (or art, for that matter). But here we're not concerned with whether the claims you make to your girlfriend are relevant, or even true. We're only concerned with whether they're effective at manipulating her into being hotter. If your girlfriend were doing her girlfriendly duty in the amorous arts, you wouldn't need to be deceiving her to hotness in the first place. So in a very real sense, your Machiavellian twisting of the truth is just a pious effort to repair her damaged moral fiber and revive her missing capacity for affection. Of course, it will likely fail at most or all of that goal, but on an ethical level, it's the thought that counts.

"It looks high class" can be more widely useful for another reason only indirectly related to class. Some women suffer from a Madonna-whore complex, and wrongly assume that sexy clothes will necessarily make them seem cheap and trashy. By pointing out how classy these clothes make her look, you can begin the long process of extricating her from a damaging psychological complex that's putting a completely unnecessary ceiling on her hotness.

My readers have also proposed a way to deepen and strengthen this stratagem. As a preface, they sometimes wonder whether women's "friends" are ever really friends. For instance, female "friends" will regularly sabotage each other with terrible beauty advice like "your short haircut looks so cute." The solution to this perennial puzzle is academic; what matters to us presently is that women compete with their friends in cases where men would collaborate and cooperate.

In light of this "friendly" competition, some men report that "it makes you look higher class than your friends X and Y" is a particularly effective formulation for inciting their girlfriends to maximum effort—the equivalent of a red flag for a bull. Obviously there are stronger versions still, which amount to waving that red flag violently at the bull. For instance, "If you wore this [hot accessory], you could look as classy as your friend X!" (implying that without it, she's only second best). What women really need, I'm told, is to be negatively compared to other women; and without such a competitive impetus, their love lives are scarcely distinguishable from those of certain immobile marine invertebrates.

This refinement of the stratagem does sound admirably manipulative, and I've no doubt it can work on occasion. However, I'm still waiting for confirmation from more readers before I recommend it as a reliable formula for tricking your girlfriend into being hotter. For now, I think a straightforward "that looks so classy!" is your safest bet. E.g. "Wow, those new thigh-highs make you look seriously high class!" Etc., etc.

I've previously mentioned the unexpected disappointment that can befall you after successfully manipulating your girlfriend to hotness, but I feel obliged to cite it again here. The success of this "tell her it's high class" stratagem will eventually leave any intelligent and reflective man feeling very jaded, because it reveals the extent to which modern women value the shaky ladder of status, competition, and indeed consumerism over love. Their hearts are like empty Louis Vuitton bags. Nevertheless, in these fallen times we should do our best to look on the bright side. If you can have either a loveless and spiritually empty girlfriend who's not hot, or a loveless and spiritually empty girlfriend who is hot—isn't it obvious that the latter is a massive improvement?

Thus, assuming yours is the kind of girlfriend who's susceptible to this stratagem, and you're nevertheless determined to keep her until her beauty fades and her vapid heart becomes too glaring to ignore, there's really no reason not to have at it.

Manipulation Method #7: Introduce A Role Model

I won't hide the fact that I'm skeptical about this manipulation method. But as the guide you're reading is crowdsourced and the method not entirely absurd, I'm including it at the behest of certain male readers.

These readers propose that by arranging to expose your girlfriend to a superior role model, typically a friend's much hotter girlfriend, you can inspire in her a jealous rage which induces competitive efforts to match (or exceed) the attractive traits of that role model. The standard method would be to invite your friend and his hotter girlfriend out to a couples' dinner, or some equivalent social event, with the implication that the two girls will become friends too.

The logic is sound and the principle of jealous feminine competitiveness well established; what I question here is whether other psychological compulsions don't make “introduce a role model” a non-starter in women despite the fact that it could plausibly encourage self-improvement in men. You see, the friend groups women naturally form tend to be highly stratified by beauty, with their members standing in close proximity to each other on the standard ten-point beauty scale. Women are ill disposed to be friendly with any females more than two points away on the beauty scale, and usually the margin is closer to one. Thus, introducing your girlfriend to your friend's notably hotter girlfriend at a couple's social event is like trying to stick the negative poles of two magnets together, or pouring oil into water (and then lighting it on fire). Her reaction, whether she conceals it well or not, will likely be so catty as to blot out the role-modeling effect you're hoping for, or so withdrawn as to eclipse it.

This is my worry, but my worry may well be wrong. Men assure me the stratagem can work if the role model is modeling good behaviors, like wearing genuinely attractive clothes and being vocally and vivaciously sex-positive, rather than just standing around looking hotter than your girlfriend. The guide you're reading so intently is theirs, not mine—and as a mere artist, beauty expert, and sometime evil vizier, what can I do but trust their assurances?

Manipulation Method #8: Quit Saying Retarded Things

This mostly doesn't count as a manipulation method, but it needs to be emphasized nonetheless. Because men haven't given beautification much thought, when they opine on it they often put their feet in their mouths in distinctly counterproductive ways. The effect of routinely saying retarded things about beauty is to trick your girlfriend into being less hot instead of more. Yep, that's correct: your own vocal retardation is getting in the way of your girlfriend's hotness.

The most common retarded thing men say about beauty is that they don't like makeup. Now, with four billion men in the world, there are going to be some who genuinely don't like makeup. But almost all of the men who think they don't like makeup actually just prefer the "natural" makeup look over the "loud" makeup look (e.g. red lipstick and intense eyeshadow). Sure, they might like the sound of "no makeup," but they don't like the appearance of it. The reason they're confused is that they haven't learned to distinguish "natural-look" makeup from no makeup. To set you straight I've linked a very heavy natural-look makeup example that should make the presence of cosmetics obvious to even the most myopic men. The real-life examples you encounter will be more subtle.

Despite a few common errors, which I've discussed here, girlfriends do get important elements of makeup and hair right, and when they put effort into these they succeed in making a real improvement. Discouraging them with ignorant claims about how you are a purist and "prefer zero-effort natural beauty" when you actually don't at all just ends up making your girlfriend less hot than she could be. Either she will make zero effort at your request, reducing her hotness significantly, or she will decide that you are, indeed, as retarded as you seem, and ignore your other beautification requests too—some of which are perfectly valid. After all, why would she trust you when you tell her that a cute pink dress would be more attractive than the burlap sacks in her closet if you also appear to believe that women are born wearing mascara?

Thus, instead of ignorantly announcing you don't like makeup, you should always say that you don't like "loud" or "overdone" makeup. If, that is, you really don't. There's nothing wrong with loud makeup in principle, and most men prefer it, as evinced by the fact that the majority of glamour models wear much heavier than normal makeup. (Vocally praising your girlfriend's loudest makeup as "very cool" is an easy, low-hanging manipulation tactic for men who do find it attractive.)

Although it's a more controversial topic that still leaves many people in denial, the same principles hold for cosmetic surgery too. Yes, I'm aware that some men are morally opposed to it. I'm not going to waste time arguing over that point in an article dedicated to the higher goal of manipulating your girlfriend to be maximally hot against her will. The fact remains that as far as visual beauty is concerned, well-executed and well-chosen cosmetic surgery works very well and increases hotness markedly. The reason most men believe otherwise is that the worst results are the most obviously fake, whereas the best results appear to be natural even if they're too good to have any chance of being true. Thus, in practice, men categorize good surgical outcomes as "natural"—even when it's totally ridiculous to do so. In most cases the attractive models whose photos they send viral with many millions of views have had work done. To correct your confusion on this issue, consider these six examples of successful cosmetic surgery.

If you're morally opposed to surgery, that's fine and you can say so. But stop announcing that it "doesn't work" when it obviously does, and the models saved on your phone have had it. The contradiction between your claims and your revealed preferences makes your pronouncements on sex appeal seem worthless and irrelevant in the ears of a girlfriend who can recognize the procedures those models have had, and discrediting yourself in this way hampers your efforts to herd her toward hotness even if you don't want her to have any work done—and, needless to say, especially if you secretly do. Which, let's be honest, is often the case for men who've bothered to inform themselves.

Next I'll address a form of vocal retardation that has, unlike the previous instances, very thoroughly confirmed manipulative merit. It's standard practice to repeat obvious lies like "more than a handful is too much," even though a solid 80% of men prefer breasts that are bigger than their hands, and in some cases bigger than their arms too. When your girlfriend's endowments are particularly underwhelming from top to bottom, it's common to go further still and claim that you're one of the mythical "leg men," who probably exist on Atlantis but have not yet shown up in my beauty data. Since women aren't reading the present article, we don't have to beat around the bush here: "bigger is better," although oversimplified, is the most concise summary of male tastes; and the men who dissent from it the loudest have, shall we say, a disproportionate fascination with youth.

However, as every man knows, telling your girlfriend that her small breasts and flat butt are ideal greases her wheels, and in general makes her a whole lot easier to manipulate, whereas even hinting at the truth is a sure way to elicit insane shrieks of reproof. As long as you're not holding out hope that she opts for surgery one day, praising her mediocre curves beyond their true value is, my readers inform me, every man's indispensable default tactic for very good reason, and in an article devoted to underhanded manipulation I couldn't possibly counsel you against it.

Nevertheless, I'd like to point out that these standard lies, though eminently useful for establishing psychological control over your current girlfriend, cause a net reduction in the hotness of women in general, and perhaps your future girlfriends in particular—both because they support the persistence of an upside-down hierarchy of beauty that ranks the praying mantises usually chosen to model clothes over the curvaceous beauties men really want, and because they push away the potential future girlfriends you'd enjoy best if you happened to use method #2 (just dump her) on your current, less inspiring girlfriend.

Considering this, I don't think it's unreasonable to recommend that when you're posting on the internet out of your girlfriend's sight you avoid being vocally retarded, and direct praise toward genuine attractiveness instead—without, of course, in any way cutting back on your habit of blatantly lying to your girlfriend's face about the perfection of her actually pretty underwhelming sexual features.

Some incel trolls repeat false claims about beauty intentionally, just to hurt women as much as possible or stir up outrage on social media. For instance, they praise excessively thin women whom men with healthy testosterone levels find uninteresting, with no goal but to make truly attractive women paranoid about their bodies. Since these are instructions in manipulating your girlfriend, no incel trolls should be reading them, and there's hence no need for me to dwell on how harmful this sort of uglifying foolishness is to any man who aspires to trick his girlfriend into being hotter. Pro-uglification trolls should be mocked for the vandals they are, and happily you, dear reader, are not one of them.

Closeted homosexuals who try to pronounce on what "high class" straight men are allowed to like fall into the same broad category as these incel trolls, and we would all be better off if they simply came out into the open. To avoid being vocally retarded, I advise you not to be nudged, along with the aforementioned incel trolls, into the online mobs they incite to repeat easily debunked beauty lies, such as the demonstrably false claim that "true European aristocrats disprefer thick women." Typically these rabble-rousers leverage politics and group-think to manufacture support for their nonsense with the proven formula, "No worthy member of [our sociopolitical tribe] likes women with [these attractive features]." Be wary of this formula and call it out when you see it. Leaders who are actually on your side won't insist on cutting your balls off before admitting you to the house on the hill.

To avoid dragging this section out any further, I'll only mention briefly in closing that men who encourage the Madonna-whore complex, and its companion puritanical voyeurism, are causing a reduction in women's collective hotness; and we'll all be better off if we extirpate these psychological cancers from our culture. Inform yourself and stop adding your voice to those that perpetuate them.

Manipulation Method #9: "Admit" It

Perhaps the most memorable stratagem for tricking your girlfriend into being hotter is to stage a "confession." In other words, pretend that you've been holding back some overwhelming desire, but suddenly trust her enough that you can't stop yourself from letting it out.

An example will clarify. Suppose you're watching a movie together, and somewhere in the movie there's a girl wearing a pleated miniskirt (one of the most attractive articles of clothing, which, predictably, women today go out of their way to avoid wearing). After the movie you can "admit" that pleated miniskirts are a huge turn-on for you, and that you've always tried to imagine having a girlfriend who would wear one, but never trusted anyone enough to say so before.

This "admission" is potent for several reasons. First, the fact that you present it as an expression of trust impresses her with her own trustworthiness (remember, this is a modern girlfriend we're talking about, so everything is about her), distracting from the fact that what you're really asking is for her to become hotter than she's ever given you any reason to believe she wants to be.

Second, your "admission" makes the eroticism of your target outcome especially convincing and memorable. Modern women, as we've already established, have totally backward ideas about beauty and seduction, and really don't know, and won't even believe when you tell them explicitly, that things like pleated miniskirts increase their hotness in a way you find highly relevant. As far as women are concerned, anything the top celebrities aren't modeling for them doesn't even exist. (You've probably noticed most of those celebrities are a total waste of space who promote bad behavior and flagrant beauty errors for no discernible purpose but to make everyone else's lives more miserable.) However—by phrasing your desire as a reluctant confession, you can outflank her insistent ignorance and drive home the point that, yes, pleated miniskirts, or whatever else it is you're asking for, are indeed very hot—so much so that she might even consider wearing them more than once. (If she doesn't, refer back to method #2.)

Now, pleated miniskirts, while indeed shunned by today's girlfriends due to their genuine hotness, are a rather tame example. If you feel up for a real manipulative challenge, you could try the same "admission" trick with something much more important. For instance, fellatio. That said, I don't yet have enough reader reports that this promising confessional stratagem is as powerful and effective as one might hope; and until that changes, aiming for a home run of such magnitude right off the bat is a high-risk endeavor I hesitate to endorse.

As for how many times you can repeat the "admit it" stratagem without her catching on to your manipulation and sloughing off the rest of your efforts to make her hotter like a sea snake changing its skin in an Antarctic current, I as yet have no idea, though my guess is that it's best used sparingly—as in only once or twice. One reader, however, suggests that you could "admit" many things quickly by setting up a game where admissions are made and traded. That sounds plausible enough, but the impact such a condensed admission cycle would have on your girlfriend's fragile mind has not yet been established by a statistically significant number of reports.

This uncertainty is why it's so important that readers like you share their successes and failures. Collecting, characterizing, and confirming the most potent devious tricks is the only chance men have at getting their girlfriends to do even a small fraction of the things that all women—in the lost Eden where they dwelt before modern delusion afflicted them with cases of terminal myocardial petrification so widespread as to render individual diagnosis redundant—were once delighted to do of their own accord.

Manipulation Method #10: Adjust Her Algorithm

Social-media algorithms have a disturbing amount of power to control the direction of society, and the beliefs of girlfriends in particular; and as best I can tell, what the people behind these algorithms mainly want is to accelerate the destruction of everything you hold dear while filling their pockets with as much money as possible. Of course, they can't always have both those things at the same time, but they're willing to make small compromises to ensure they succeed, in the long run, at creating the worst of all possible worlds. It's therefore easy to understand why online algorithms encourage both your girlfriend's aggressive indifference and her penchant for wasting most of her leisure hours purchasing useless things in excessive quantities.

Now, my readers propose that adjusting these algorithms might subliminally provoke an increase in her hotness. The stratagem they recommend is just as simple as you imagine. When your girlfriend's away from her phone for a few minutes (longer is obviously too much to ask), quickly use it to access the internet, and start running searches for whatever sexy articles of clothing you like best. Make sure, in particular, to click through to online shops, and preferably those that advertise the most insistently. You should also look up these shops on any social-media networks she's subscribed to, again making sure to click on links that will convince their algorithms she's in the market for a purchase. After you're done, delete the local history of your machinations.

Whether you delete it or not, our overlords, whom I won't name here, will still retain the entirety of "her" browsing history, and use it to track and control her in whatever way they believe best contributes to the increase of their own already excessive power. The difference this time is that you're using their wicked overreach to your own benefit. Surreptitiously adjusting your girlfriend's algorithm will alter the advertisements she's shown, so they at least momentarily reflect attractive clothes and accessories rather than the unpleasant ones she would normally buy.

It's a clever stratagem, and if you use it carefully and in moderation, so the ads that target her appear to have arisen organically and she never suspects that you've been driving them (start your algorithm adjustment in small doses and ramp up slowly to camouflage your work), then I don't see any possible objections. However, while harmless, likely beneficial on net, and therefore worth dabbling in when you have an idle moment, I advise you against expecting great results.

Remember that today's girlfriends have been obedience-trained by the powers that be to always pick the least attractive choices among the options they see. If you find a way to show the typical girlfriend a pretty pink lace bra displayed on a table with a brown tablecloth, she will buy the brown tablecloth, try to wear it as a toga, and dismiss the lace bra as “uncomfortable and only for camgirls.” This might be a slight exaggeration, but in principle, it's accurate.

To undo her extensive training in unpleasantness you'll need to train her in reverse, using repetition and reinforcement. That means you'll likely have to repeat your algorithm adjustments over and over for months, until the new advertisements appear consistently enough and long enough to make a dent in her damaged psychology; and even then, success isn't guaranteed, as the entire fashion ecosystem is still working against you. You can give it a try and hope for a lucky early win. But if that early win doesn't come, you probably won't feel enthusiastic about sinking in enough of your time to convert the algorithm adjustment into an attitude adjustment. Especially after you consider the limited upside.

This limited upside is an important issue I need to linger on here for the sake of clarity. Throughout these manipulation instructions I've been citing clothes and accessories in my examples. That might lead you to believe I assign them much greater importance than they really have. To the contrary. I've chosen these as examples only because they're the simplest and easiest targets when it comes to tricking your girlfriend into being hotter. They are very low-hanging fruit. I'm well aware their effect size is modest. For instance, in my 500-point Seduction Quiz, all the clothing items together only account for around 40 points, or 8% of the total. That's not meaningless. But it's nowhere near sufficient to turn a grouchy mouse like today's typical girlfriend into a mind-blowing odalisque.

The problem is that the changes which really make a difference when it comes to your girlfriend's hotness—like using attractive motions, initiating sex more often, offering oral on a regular basis, being more exciting in bed, and so forth—are the most difficult to bring about. Until the day when her friends start openly bragging about their superior fellatio technique and enthusiasm for cowgirl, it's going to be a tall order to expect even the powerful lever of envious feminine competitiveness to elicit meaningful improvements. Considered in this light, you can see why the "adjust her algorithm" stratagem is especially useless for inciting real leaps in sex appeal.

Worse still, putting too much weight on an ad-driven campaign risks fanning the flames of consumerism (another nearly ubiquitous disease in modern women, recently measured at a higher incidence rate than the Epstein-Barr virus) when consumerism is, in the larger picture, a negative influence that distracts and detracts from genuine hotness more than it contributes to the beauty of a girlfriend's ornamentation.

These last paragraphs may be a bit harsh. I don't mean to dissuade you from adjusting your girlfriend's algorithm. In fact, I think you should give it a shot. But, it's important to have good perspective on what really adds heat, and not lose sight of your higher goal: tricking your girlfriend into becoming a hotter woman than she presently wants you to ever experience in your entire life.

Manipulation Method #11: Praise Potential

We've already seen how women's tendency to compete with other women, and especially with their "friends," can push them into a pursuit of hotness their hearts were too hollow to fuel. However, one reader has offered a different and seemingly contradictory perspective on the use of inter-female comparisons.

The idea is that when you encounter a woman who's hotter than your girlfriend and doing something strikingly right—for instance, walking with an attractive gait—you should turn to your girlfriend, and, rather than praising this hottie directly to incite her jealousy, say instead, "Wow, you would look so good if you did that." I summarize this stratagem as "praise potential," but as you can see, there's more to it than just potential.

On reflection, this stratagem doesn't contradict our earlier observation that inciting competition can trick girlfriends into becoming hotter. It builds on that observation by adding two more components, for a total of three, which all work together. The "praise potential" stratagem (1) inspires your girlfriend to picture herself being hotter, while (2) encouraging her with a reminder that she has the potential to be hotter if she tries, and (3) it indirectly, and in a way that doesn't reflect badly on your tactfulness, draws her attention to the fact that some other woman is currently hotter than her. Thus, the fact that she's fallen behind her competition hovers in the background as a spur to action without any need for you to point it out directly. By contrast, simply saying, "I wish I were going home with that woman with the sexy walk instead of a girlfriend who won't even bother to do trivially easy hotness-boosting things to make my brief life more enjoyable," although rationally conveying the same meaning, would, given the nature of the female mind, do more harm than good in the majority of cases.

"Praise potential" is one of the easiest girlfriend-manipulation methods, and I'm impressed by its elegance. I'm still waiting on more reports that it brings good results in practice, but as the risk of a negative outcome seems low, I see no reason why you shouldn't try it whenever the occasion next presents itself instead of delaying to wait for proof that will, I hope, be soon forthcoming.

Update. My readers—I can now add to this entry—question whether the risk of a negative outcome is always so low. They voice a worry that could apply to several of these manipulation methods, but which they deem especially relevant to “praise potential.” Namely, they fear that some girlfriends are too smart to fall for such shallow manipulation tactics, and will smoke them out instead, with the final effect being a diminution in hotness rather than the desired increase.

I do not yet have sufficient evidence to either validate or disprove this fear definitively with respect to “praise potential.” However, it strikes me as reasonable. It's a sad but well-established fact that smart girls often and even usually outsmart themselves, thereby curtailing their powers of seduction when compared to their dumber sisters. The worst case of all, my readers inform me, is a female who has the intelligence of a man but retains all the defensive irrationality of a woman, such that whenever her erroneous views on sex and gender are challenged, she transforms into the overpowered guard-dog of her own private hell. I know no certain solution to such difficult cases, but for lack of better, you might try the one-two punch of manipulation methods one and then, as necessary, two. In the end—if my readers are correct in their psychological analysis, which I by no means endorse—her bad attitude is her problem, and her intelligence thus turned against herself, her curse, to dispel or to endure.

Manipulation Method #12: Cite Health And Fertility

You may have noticed that girlfriends love health fads. Bogus nutritional theories, fake hormonal optimizations involving useless vitamins and herbs, and "healthy" rejuvenating skin creams that actually do nothing all sound very convincing to the credulous girlfriendly mind. Men inform me that instead of being annoyed by women's unscientific interest in health and "self-care," it's possible to take advantage of it for your own erotic satisfaction.

The stratagem they propose is as follows. When the topic arises, for instance, because your girlfriend is telling you about a ridiculous new health trend she just heard some influencer promoting, casually allude to the fact that attractiveness, health, and fertility go hand in hand. Later, when you have an opportunity for a longer discussion, claim that attractive features are good indicators of health and fertility. Because your goal is to trick your girlfriend into being hotter, it's very important to cite real attractive features like large breasts, bubble butts, wide hips, thick thighs, youthfulness, and so forth, instead of falling back on the fake or irrelevant "attractive features" men normally nod along with to avoid uncomfortable discussions (e.g. toned musculature, thigh gaps, long legs, sophisticated elegance, and well-manicured nails).

If your girlfriend takes the bait, you can next illustrate with tasteful photos. Contrast genuinely hot women with boringly pretty ones like fashion models, always remembering to mention health, fertility, and attractiveness in the same breath. What you're doing here is reframing your natural masculine lust for young and voluptuous females as the professional judgment of a naturopathic doctor specializing in women's health—in other words, the judgment of a man whose opinions about the female body actually matter to your girlfriend.

This stratagem is mainly useful for pulling her away from the depredations of the fashion industry and the unattractive ultra-thin ideal it promotes. And, of course, it can also help in the opposite case, where she's too heavy. If you remind your girlfriend that women at both of these extremes suffer a decline in their health and fertility, you have a chance of snapping her out of a media-induced trance and resetting her perceptions to be closer to yours.

As a beauty expert I admit I'm not very keen on this manipulation method. The correlation between health, fertility, and hotness is real, but it's also overstated, and focusing on it is absolutely not the way to solve feminine beauty. Many important attractive traits have little or nothing to do with either health or fertility. Nevertheless, these purist quibbles are beside the point when your goal is to trick your girlfriend into being hotter using any means available. If you do convince her that hotness is health, there's a fair chance she'll make the genuine effort to be hotter you've always been hoping for. And if her understanding of ideal bodyfat levels has been skewed by media misinformation, I wholeheartedly recommend "cite health and fertility" as the best starting point, despite its limitations.

Manipulation Method #13: Share Erotic Media

This method requires caution, circumspection, and good judgment; when executed badly or for the wrong girlfriend it can have decidedly poor results. However, it's worth including on this list because in ideal use-cases it will, men inform me, produce big and rapid improvements to your girlfriend's hotness.

On the surface it's is the most straightforward stratagem of them all. Simply show your girlfriend your favorite erotic media, pointing out the elements you find especially appealing. Without even having to request any change in her behavior this should, in theory, encourage her to emulate those elements, making her notably hotter. Yet as you've surely guessed, "in theory" is once again the most important phrase in these lines.

If there's a big gap between the appearance of your girlfriend and the appearance of your favorite erotic models, which is normally the case, this stratagem may affect her self-esteem in a very negative way and do irreparable harm to your relationship. That's because most girlfriends require the illusion that they're much hotter than they really are in order to enjoy themselves sexually. To maintain this illusion they rely on a mental block that especially limits their ability to recognize attractive bodies. Breaking through a girlfriend's mental block is like breaking the glass to grab a fire extinguisher: alarms will go off immediately, and she'll exit the building screaming before you achieve any positive results.

Now, where the "share erotic media" stratagem can really pay off is if you have one of those rare girlfriends who really does resemble your ideal, but lacks the confidence to take advantage of it. This applies especially to the pronounced hourglass or "slim thick" type desired by so many men, which is consistently denigrated in or omitted from the propaganda your girlfriend consumes. By using erotic media to evince the appeal of your girlfriend's physique, you can encourage her to be less inhibited, bringing about about an overall increase in her hotness. You'll also be in an excellent position to make further use of that erotic media by highlighting in it the various behaviors you find appealing.

Thus far only a minority of men seem to be positioned to benefit from the stratagem at hand; and their numbers are further limited by the fact that some among them will consider it distasteful to valorize pornography, a scourge in several respects, by giving it a role in genuine intimacy. However, the rest are in luck, as I've created a handy resource that makes "share erotic media" easier to implement.

Dispelling Beauty Lies includes an extensive analysis of attractive motions featuring brief video clips. You might assume these clips are too hot to show girlfriends, but surprisingly, I almost never receive any complaints about them. The fact that they've been dissected and presented educationally, and in a wide variety that offers something for everyone, seems to make them relatively more acceptable to women than my comparatively tame and scientific account of attractive physical traits. If you feel ready to try the "share erotic media" stratagem, you can go through this encyclopedia of attractive motions with her, taking special care to highlight examples that will work for her body type.

I've also analyzed basic elements of hentai videos and presented the results in these three sections. There my analysis is more abstract, but it can still serve as a useful starting point for discussion. After the ice is thus broken, and if she proves comfortable, you can go on to share some of your own carefully selected favorites.

To close this section I'd like to point out that animated videos like those I've just mentioned, though not to every man's taste, can serve as especially useful examples, because when presenting them to your girlfriend you can dismiss elements that would otherwise offend her as artifacts of the cartoon styling with no application to reality. Now, you and I know that isn't really the case; but once again, our aim here is to manipulate girlfriends to hotness, not dot the i's and cross the t's in an honest and objective account of male preferences.

Manipulation Method #14: Frame It As Gossip

Men generally agree that girlfriends have little interest in the truth, but great interest in what people are saying about other people. Thus, trying to explain The Truth About Feminine Beauty to them is like trying to explain airplanes to a cockatoo: there will be a great deal of squawking, but no change in understanding or behavior, and likely the discussion will be over before you've finished your fourth sentence. However, you can take advantage of your girlfriend's innate feminine instinct for low-minded pettiness by presenting essential facts about beauty and seduction as if they're the topics of secret gossip she's not supposed to hear.

Doing this well will require a little inventiveness and verbal dexterity, but the forms it can take are infinite. For instance, when you're alone together and have a good moment for conversation you can say, "I probably shouldn't tell you this funny gossip, but. . ." (Presenting it as "funny," my readers speculate, might make the invasion of other peoples' privacy feel more acceptable to a female, though I've never seen evidence of the kind of moral standards that would make this necessary.) Another formula runs as follows. When speaking on the phone, reply within your girlfriend's hearing, "Wow, did Harry really say that? When she was there? Was he drunk? Oh my God, and how did she react?" A wingman facilitates this wonderfully, but you can also make the same "reply" immediately after a phone call has ended, and then continue to hold it to your ear for a few minutes longer while pretending someone is on the line.

With this lure dangling in front of her eyes like a hooked worm before a hungry fish, your girlfriend won't be able to help asking, after a short pause intended to conceal the intensity of her curiosity, just what it was you were talking about. And you can now stuff in any information you'd like to convey. For example, "I'm not sure I was supposed to repeat this, but Tom said that Dick said that when his friend Harry was drunk he announced that the only reason he didn't break up with his girlfriend last year is because she insists on having a go at reverse cowgirl every Saturday morning before breakfast. I didn't get the whole story, but that's what he said. I mean, okay, she sounds super hot in the bedroom, but to say that out loud when other people were around—wow."

I'll note in passing that yes, I'm aware standard cowgirl is more popular than reverse with most men, and the latter works best for girlfriends whose rear is more inspiring than their front. This is just an illustration; the point is that you can stuff whatever you want into the formula. Keep in mind that modern girlfriends don't know even basic things about beauty and seduction, and choose the information you consider most likely to improve your particular girlfriend's hotness carefully. You can repeat the "frame it as gossip" stratagem many times, but there ought to be long cool-off periods between them to retain plausibility.

A serious problem with most of the methods we've covered in this guide, and which I alluded to already a few sections ago, is that they're not suitable for manipulating your girlfriend into the behaviors that have the biggest impact on relationship satisfaction: things like sexual frequency, enthusiasm, variety, technique, and, of course, fellatio. The fact that gossip is inherently more attention-getting when it's more lurid makes this a rare opportunity to drive home essential fundamentals and awaken in your girlfriend the feeling that, by not acting on them, she's being less hot than one of her potential competitors. Because of the mere fact that you present them as gossip, she'll listen more attentively and take them more seriously than if God Himself were to hand her a detailed instruction manual on how to maximally please you—which would, it's widely agreed, mean less to her than last week's horoscope.

How well the "frame it as gossip" stratagem will succeed depends on your verbal skill, and particularly your skill at verbal deception. If you can't fake the gossip convincingly, your cover might be blown, in which case your girlfriend will continue on with her usual unexciting behavior. So, plan ahead; and to avoid trouble, keep your lie short. A point in your favor is that gossip is naturally fragmentary and intermingled with false elements, which is why, I'm told, only women give it any credence; when you're lying about gossip that doesn't exist, both those flaws work in your favor and help to conceal your trickery.

Manipulation Method #15: Criticize Others

Thus far every manipulation method (except #2) has been positive in orientation. Criticizing your girlfriend is usually not a great way to create the atmosphere you want for a relationship. That's why one reader suggests that you save criticism for others. By criticizing others in your girlfriend's presence instead of admonishing or instructing your girlfriend herself, you can teach her the kind of behavior you dislike without making her feel controlled or insulted. If you criticize fictional characters in a show you're watching, that takes even more of the sting off.

Now, it goes without saying that the mistakes you're criticizing shouldn't too closely resemble mistakes your girlfriend is already making. If they do, she'll likely take offense. But, you can still use this manipulation method to hint at behaviors and attitudes you don't want her to emulate. If you keep it subtle, it's a gentle way to get the message across.

Manipulation Method #16: Frame It As BDSM

BDSM might be an annoying chore for you, but inside your girlfriend's head it's exactly what you're supposed to want to do to her. Her brains have been turned to mush by spending her entire teenage years reading extreme erotica every night, and now she can't have it any other way. Well, there's a stratagem for this. Start framing the things you actually want as part of a dominance-submission game. The mini-story below illustrates the method.

I woke up in a strange room. He had forced me into attractive clothes. My beige lingerie was in a bag, hanging from a high ceiling. I couldn't reach it.

A bead of cold sweat dripped down into my pink lace bra. I shivered in fear—and lust.

I heard a voice coming from the shadows. It was quiet, but deep and authoritative. Like he knew he didn't have to shout to get what he wanted.

He told me a pair of thigh-highs was waiting for me on the bed. He said he was going to count to ten slowly, and if I didn't figure out what he wanted before he finished. . . .

He left the consequences to my imagination. And my heart started racing.

After I squeezed them on I realized it wasn't over. And maybe it was only beginning.

He strode slowly at the edge of the shadows, just outside my view. Desire and dread were fighting inside me. I caught myself wondering how deep I would sink to please this man. And what scared me most, is that I no longer knew.

I never expected his next demand. Two little words. But I was shocked—confused. And the way they rolled out of his mouth. . . . It was curt, but sensuous. Like he'd already anticipated how I would react. And he wanted to savor it.

“Act cute.”

I couldn't hide my reaction. Bewilderment at this strange command. Bewilderment at the submission that was coming. That I couldn't resist. I felt naked, vulnerable. I had never acted cute before—never for any man, not even Jake. It went against every principle I'd ever learned.

But he didn't say any more. Instead, he just waited there, in the shadows. He wanted me to guess what he meant.

And if I didn't? If I was wrong?

I couldn't let myself think about the punishments that would ensue. To get through this I had to stay sane. And they were too terrifying. Too terrifying in a way that made me . . . . Ohhh. Oh no . . . .

The story's conclusion shows a serious problem with this manipulation method. Modern girlfriends are so clueless that they don't even know how to execute basic seduction techniques like "act cute." So you'll have to start them off with very simple instructions and work up. I'll write more about that in the final section of the guide.

The second problem with this method is one I've already covered. Seduction is far more seductive when you don't have to ask for it, and having to "order" it is the worst. It's not clear that compelled seduction even counts as seduction at all; and forcing your girlfriend to follow detailed seduction instructions obliterates the most important signals of mate quality, replacing them with an empty illusion only satisfying to undemanding players with a short-term quantity-over-quality strategy. This is, of course, a fundamental problem for every manipulation method; but it's especially a buzzkill for this one, and to some men a complete dealbreaker. On top of that, by playing into female fantasies you find dreadfully boring, you risk reinforcing them, perpetuating the chore.

To manipulate your girlfriend all the way to hotness using the "frame it as BDSM" stratagem you'd have to be both very patient and very clever. And it still might not work. Sometimes it seems like the huge efforts required to trick a modern girlfriend into being an enjoyable person to spend time with just aren't worth the trouble.

Manipulation Method #17: Frame It As Your Kink

In our fallen times, "kink" has become socially acceptable and is even perceived as praiseworthy, whereas normal male tastes are denigrated, and instead of catering to the latter as they once did, women run hard and fast in the opposite direction. Thus, presenting your very typical and unremarkable desire for youthful, slim yet voluptuous women who wear feminine clothes, have cute mannerisms, and behave pleasantly to you as a strange kink, which you're embarrassed about but just can't shake even though you know it's socially unacceptable is, my readers suggest, a plausible way to cheat the system and procure the normal male desiderata women today would otherwise refuse to grant.

"I know it's wrong, babe, but I just need to see you in that frilly lacy pink lingerie acting super girly."

Here it's wise to claim your kink entails "wild exaggerations" of femininity, as modern women are so clueless that the most widely loved comportments strike them as implausibly extreme, and they will otherwise aim far short of the mark, with underwhelming results.

This stratagem is similar to the previous, but instead of framing your efforts at manipulating your girlfriend hotter within her dominance-submission kink, you're here framing your desires as your own kink, even though they're so normal that the term can't possibly apply. Needless to say, semantic honesty is not the purpose of this instructional guide, and if an abuse of the English language is necessary to reverse the demonic inversion of values imposed on our culture by remarkably evil people, is this a tradeoff to which anyone can reasonably object?

"Frame it as your kink" is a valuable method, because of all those listed it has the best chance of communicating to girlfriends the basic fact that ultra-feminine behaviors, like those normally demonstrated by anime girls, are worth emulating and attractive to the majority of men, for whom femininity is not something that can, in practice, be overdone. Nevertheless, to firmly establish the "kink" frame you must continue to imply that your extremely common taste is somehow unusual until the time she becomes so thoroughly accustomed to her new and much hotter feminine comportment that she assumes it daily by second nature; for if she catches on to the truth too quickly she will immediately revert to the usual stubborn mannish unpleasantness she was raised to uphold, and you will not get a second chance at success.

The logic behind this stratagem is strong, but its efficacy is still awaiting verification. Thus, I am once again calling on readers to test it and report back on their results. Because this is a one-shot-only stratagem, it's especially important that men determine and share the most reliable means of getting it right.

Manipulation Method #18: Escalate

The methods recorded in this how-to manual of manipulation aren't intended to be used as one-offs in isolation, but as part of a larger and longer journey; and the metaphors that lend themselves to the description of this journey are so numerous as to be overwhelming. A spider's web, certainly: from the small beginnings of a single thread here or there, you'll add another thread, and then another, each entrapping your girlfriend more firmly in your scheme, each pulling her a step closer to true hotness. But it's also appropriate to write that you should gradually escalate as if toward the peak of a fiery volcano, so that the tiny step of getting your girlfriend into a ribbon choker ascends, little by little and in the fullness of time, toward enthusiastic offerings of fellatio that accompany your morning coffee. And, ideally, you'll finish by pulling her over the well-greased edge of a slippery slope. You see, if you can get your girlfriend addicted to feeling hotter than she ever thought possible, she will eventually slide all the way down the rest of this slope without your help, on the effervescent toboggan of her own erotic elation.

Whether I describe your girlfriend as trapped in a web, escalating up the side of a volcano, or tobogganing down a slippery slope, the fundamental point is the same. You're aiming for the kind of cumulative increase in her hotness that comes from manipulating her over and over again, using the full arsenal of snares and delusions at your disposal to reach for bigger and bigger wins. Given today's intransigent and mule-like females, only these repeated efforts can trick your girlfriend all the way to the degree of hotness you've always dreamed of, but never expected to find without dumping her for a fairytale mate who maximizes hotness on her own without obliging you to stoop to manipulation of any kind.

So don't stop with one minor victory, like getting your girlfriend to throw out her painfully boring panties. Start small, escalate persistently, and keep manipulating her until she achieves the rank of odalisque. Yes, every girlfriend can get there, but unless you've fallen through a magic portal and stumbled into a unicorn, you're the one who needs to make it happen.

Unsolved Problems

As effective as these stratagems are, some elements of hotness remain difficult to force.

Inducing improvement in the nitty-gritty of sexual technique is especially hard, and even the normally reliable lever of inter-female competition is of little use here. Today it's considered socially unacceptable for women to publicly brag about their talent for erotic vocalization, even by implication—let alone to share stories of how they chose the perfect moment for surprise oral—which leaves you no easy way to make your girlfriend feel sufficiently upstaged as to elicit a genuine effort in this critical domain. Public silence is understandable as far as propriety is concerned, yet one wishes the silence would end nonetheless, because it contributes to the widespread but erroneous assumption that sexual technique is wholly a male responsibility, and neither women's skill nor their enthusiasm make any difference to male pleasure (they do). It's ironic that in this "empowering" era of peak feminism women would be so disinterested in reclaiming their own erotic agency, yet none with eyes can deny the disappointing reality. Some of my readers even assert that women have come to fetishize their supposed lack of agency precisely in response to new professional pressures and social expectations their feminine minds are too feeble to bear, but I prefer to refrain from speculating on psychology in this wise. True or false, the outcome is the same.

When I asked men whether they knew any surefire ways to trick girlfriends into being great in bed, most simply threw up their hands. Their feeling is that all women can improve, but few have what it takes to score top marks, and chemistry matters too. A common view among men is that an innately high libido mixed with a touch of insanity is what pushes girls to peak performance, and this is the main reason "BPD girls," who are in every other way a massive headache for men, have a reputation for being so uniquely hot as to justify the trouble. Whether "BPD girls are great in bed" is myth or reality I wouldn't venture to say, but many men seem to think it true.

Perhaps readers will someday report to me further techniques that close these gaps, or perhaps social mores will change and permit a clarifying frankness; but for the moment you should take solace in the fact that you can elicit significant leaps in your girlfriend's hotness rather than giving up the game due to the apparent impossibility of sculpting perfection through deception alone.

Finally, I should acknowledge the reverse of the "fantasy BPD lover." There are girlfriends who have a pleasant and not unfeminine disposition, but are hampered by low libido and overly balanced minds. Girlfriends in this category may pass important tests and go through the motions of seduction as a duty, but they feel too little internal fire to be convincing; they are easy to get along with, but hard to enjoy. Sometimes the problem here is you, and some relationships just aren't meant to be—no spark, or no sexual compatibility to match compatible life-goals. In other cases, however, the cause is a hormonal deficiency, usually but not always tied to an underlying health problem that may be difficult to diagnose, let alone treat.

Doubling down on deception in these cases will do more harm than good even if your methods are perfect. Health and hormones are a problem for medicine, not manipulation. And not bro science either. Our researchers should take this problem more seriously, so that one day frigid women can be prescribed corrective injections to revive their eros. Such problems increasingly afflict men too, with a popular hypothesis, as yet unproven, being that they're caused by industrial contaminants in the food, water, and air. Whatever the etiology, it's important to seek cures rather than blaming those who suffer from illness. I leave this worthy task to the relevant experts. A single website, no matter how devious, can't be expected to solve everything.

Addressing Moral Objections

At the start I stated very clearly that this guide is transcribed by me, not written by me. I'm only recording the methods, results, and reflections of men who manipulate their girlfriends and are kindly willing to share their data with others who wish to do the same, and I do not by any means endorse their underhanded tactics. Nevertheless, I'd like to close by briefly weighing the rational arguments regarding whether it is or is not ethical to trick your girlfriend into hotness.

A central point we need to consider here is that women enjoy being hotter. There are exceptions of course—being hotter in a crowd of undesirable men only creates trouble—but usually the right clothing, comportment, and circumspection make those exceptions a non-issue in the civilized society our overlords are presently working to destroy with maximum speed.

This central point allows us to phrase our question as follows. Is it moral to trick your girlfriend into doing things that will cause her to be happier, have higher self-esteem, enjoy her life more, for which she will thank you afterwards, and which, as it happens, also strengthen your relationship and increase its longevity (quite accidentally leaving you more satisfied as well)? Or, for another way to put the question: is it moral to trick your girlfriend into fulfilling girlfriendly duties that she is flagrantly shirking, but which she would have happily fulfilled had modern society not infected her with aggressive indifference and indoctrinated her with absurd lies about beauty and femininity that drive her to self-sabotage (and eventually to sub-clinical depression induced by her willful undesirability)?

You might read these considerations and conclude that the real wrongs have already been done by others, and your girlfriend is in a very important sense a victim who can only be rescued by your trickery. The unusual feature of this fairytale rescue is that the damsel in distress is precisely the one who needs to be tricked. It is a story that merits, I think, the telling of a new tale. Someday: I have much to do and little time, and many are awaiting the second volume of my Memoirs of an Evil Vizier.

I leave it up to you to solve this challenging moral dilemma, dear readers. You can trick your girlfriend into being hotter, happier, prouder, and more satisfied, while enjoying the outcome of the process nearly as much as she does; or you can conclude that the means isn't justified by the ends, and instead dampen your boredom with pornography, either for the rest of your life or until you're ready to resort to method #2—whichever comes first. She will be deceived or you déçu, with no middle ground.

Now, some men don't like to be manipulative. They might think it's immoral, or cruel, or they might simply want a girlfriend who actually does what girlfriends are supposed to do without being forced. The real thing only! The twin flame, the fairytale lover from days of yore. And yet—do these demanding men really shun all of the manipulation tricks listed here? Oh, to the contrary [evil laugh].

It is best to think of moral or romantic holdouts as "method 2 only" types. They are switches that toggle off or on. If their girlfriends don't behave like genuine girlfriends without manipulation, they send them to the dumping grounds, often with no more warning than a few frowns. Or, they suffer in silence, riven by existential doubts about the nature of girlfriendkind and the failure of the universe to meet even very modest expectations. Are these alternatives, dear readers, really much of an improvement over premeditated manipulation on the vast scale my less straitlaced readers so heartily recommend?

One thing is certain: that these moral holdouts, whether justified on an individual level or not, do nothing to advance the important social cause of restoring the broader realm of girlfriends to what it was in brighter days that have since receded out of living memory and now only wink at us dimly, like distant fires. For the collective of females from which each man draws his own move in a mulish herd prone to bite even the hands that dangle the juiciest carrots; and without a great wave of change which, it appears, only multitudes of wicked men acting in concert could bring about, their girlfriends having thus far doubled down at every turn on their own refusal of agency, life will simply continue to be more disappointing and less enjoyable than it ought to be and just as short as it ever was. The feminine sins of pride, vanity, and sheer stubborn ignorance have no fear of the honest and decent; and with the violent correction of which women thus afflicted write admiringly being forbidden by the laws for which they vote (their sex is capable of still greater contradictions), erotic restoration, if it is to happen at all, requires and seemingly obliges male participation in an advancing front of mass manipulation—a great war fought in innumerable duels, head to head, mano a girlfriendo. In short, if love is to be reclaimed, the logic demands a full-scale, organized campaign of trickery. And once this nearly irrefutable logic is weighed, it becomes hard to deny the holdouts are more akin to draft dodgers and sullen shirkers than the moral paragons they believe they see in the mirror: their smug, ill-considered conscientious objection selfishly condemns the rest of you to fight alone.

I cannot close without a further observation in this spirit of solidarity. To the men who resort, whether immediately or after a pained delay, to method #2: have some thought for your neighbor. If you succeed at instructing your girlfriend in even a small component of femininity before kicking her to the curb because she cared too little to learn, you have at least prepared the ground for some future man, less worthy than you but still not worthy of your contempt, who will scoop her up from the roadside and repeat the process; and after a series of such events easy lessons may begin to penetrate closed ears, so some happy future suitor will find her tolerable and much reformed. Strong and silent method-2-only moral holdouts do have the most stringent quality control where girlfriends are concerned, but by insisting on a total refusal to trick their girlfriends into being hotter they also do the least social good. They are like collectors of fine art who care naught for whether the common man can hang a well-printed reproduction on his bedroom wall, when in the large majority of cases that is all the common man will ever be able to afford.

Thus "manipulate hotter before dumping" is provably more philanthropic than sorting the recycling from the rubbish before doing the same, and a charitable duty your fellow men will someday thank you for fulfilling. In effect, you are training the future girlfriend of someone less fortunate than you. If all men take this eleventh commandment to heart, then girlfriendkind will be reformed in short order. The guide you're now reading may be the first to propose that collectively tricking their girlfriends into being hotter is men's moral obligation and best chance at saving the world, but it won't be the last, and ideas that strike early adopters like you as novel and perhaps too original to be entirely trustworthy will, in the fullness of time, become recognized as conventional wisdom.

Lest I end this guide with excessive optimism and positivity, I'll offer a cold shower in the form of a postscript. The happiness following from that greater desirability to which you trick your girlfriend will, in the final account, be hers more than yours, as counterintuitive as that may be. For she will enjoy all the auto-eroticism of increased self-esteem with which true, undeniable hotness suffuses the female soul; whereas you will never fully forget that her stubborn, loveless pride and vanity obliged you to laboriously manipulate her into all the things your dream girl would have done of her own accord.

Yet in these fallen times, no one claimed the straight-man's burden would be a light one, nor that the winnings would be fairly doled out; and as the saying says, "The weak do what they will, while the strong suffer what they must." So gird your broad shoulders, dear readers—and go forth to conquer.

Update: I've received voluminous correspondence in response to this closing section. Men from all corners of the globe lament to me that they experience an overwhelming compulsion to not manipulate their girlfriends. They've read this article and the others I've written, and they're well aware of the social importance of the task, and equally aware of the ease with which their girlfriends could increase their beauty and seductive powers if they were only tricked into doing so. They also feel the pull of their charitable duties toward their neighbors keenly. And yet the masculine instinct to weigh true girlfriendly value honestly and without interference wholly prohibits them from artificially lifting that value with the manufactured life-jackets of premeditated manipulation I've here dispensed to our shipwrecked society. If these men cannot find a mermaid, they write me, they would rather drown in the ocean of disappointment and boredom than deceive themselves by buoying a single undeserving female above her chosen station.

Insofar as the instincts of these shirkers perpetuate the sorry state of our society and the charmlessness of modern women, it's hard to deny that they're pernicious and immoral, however eloquent the excuses and ratiocinations they might proffer to defend them. But just as some men can't force themselves to steal even when they suffer hunger, many men, it seems, can't force themselves to trick their girlfriends into being hotter even to save the world: a human weakness we have to acknowledge and accept if we wish to find constructive solutions. Indeed, this outcry in my inbox suggests a number of immorally anti-manipulative men so high that I'm now led to doubt my admirable efforts here will lead to any measurable revival in the broader girlfriendly quality of our admittedly declining civilization.

If this fear should prove true, only one solution remains. You, dear readers, must boldly broadcast the truth about feminine beauty as widely and loudly as you can, in every public channel, until denialism becomes impossible even for the multitudes with willfully wax-stoppered ears. That requires a little bravery and a little persistence, yes; but it's immensely easier than tricking a girlfriend hotter against both her will and your will.

Meme it to the masses, then, boys—hopeless at the feminine arts of manipulation and deceit or not, surely you are still up to this task?

To be continued . . .

How To Trick Your Girlfriend Into Being Hotter is a crowdsourced work in progress definitely not written by J. Sanilac, the infamous author of Dispelling Beauty Lies, Memoirs of an Evil Vizier, Trust Networks, and many underappreciated works of musical genius. I need your help to finish it. Please follow me on social media to suggest new methods of manipulation and deceit, and report on your success or failure at tricking your girlfriend into hotness. These reports, even if they consist of only a few lines, will make a valuable contribution to the guide. In the long run, everyone with a girlfriend will benefit.

I especially want to hear from you if you can confirm the viability of any methods not already included in the current list, which consists of:

Manipulation Method #1: Just Ask
Manipulation Method #2: Just Dump Her
Manipulation Method #3: Frame Hotness As Empowering
Manipulation Method #4: Inspire Dread
Manipulation Method #5: Buy Her Clothes
Manipulation Method #6: Make It Sound High Class
Manipulation Method #7: Introduce A Role Model
Manipulation Method #8: Quit Saying Retarded Things
Manipulation Method #9: "Admit" It
Manipulation Method #10: Adjust Her Algorithm
Manipulation Method #11: Praise Potential
Manipulation Method #12: Cite Health And Fertility
Manipulation Method #13: Share Erotic Media
Manipulation Method #14: Frame It As Gossip
Manipulation Method #15: Criticize Others
Manipulation Method #16: Frame It As BDSM
Manipulation Method #17: Frame It As Your Kink
Manipulation Method #18: Escalate

Also by J. Sanilac

Memoirs of an Evil Vizier

An Introduction to My Music

Trust Networks – how we actually know things

Ultrahumanism – a middle path through the jungle of modern and future technology

Dispelling Beauty Lies – the truth about feminine beauty, including practical advice for women

101 Ways To Be Prettier, Sexier, and More Seductive - simple tips for fast results

Critique of the Mind-Body Problem – it's not solvable

A Pragmatical Analysis of Religious Beliefs – are pragmatism and belief opposites?

Against Good Taste – aesthetics and harmful social signaling

GIMBY – a movement for low-density housing

The Illusion of Dominance – why the redpill is wrong

End Attached Garages Now – a manifesto

The Computer-Simulation Theory Is Silly – GPWoo

Thirty Favorite Images from Dispelling Beauty Lies - the author's personal selection

Milgram Questions – what they are and how to call them out

Amor Fatty – how an obesity cure will end the body positivity movement

How to Seduce a Billionaire – 100% guaranteed* method

Ailom – how AI permanently makes everything less meaningful